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Vigorous
writing is concise. A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a
paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should
have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts. This requires
not that the writer make all his sentences short, or that he avoid all detail
and treat his subjects only in outline, but that every word tell.
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Many
expressions in common use violate this principle:
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the
question as to whether
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whether
(the question whether)
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there
is no doubt but that
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no
doubt (doubtless)
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used
for fuel purposes
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used
for fuel
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he
is a man who
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he
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in a
hasty manner
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hastily
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this
is a subject which
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this
subject
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His
story is a strange one.
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His
story is strange.
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In
especial the expression the fact that should be revised out of every
sentence in which it occurs.
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owing
to the fact that
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since
(because)
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in
spite of the fact that
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though
(although)
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call
your attention to the fact that
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remind
you (notify you)
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I
was unaware of the fact that
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I
was unaware that (did not know)
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the
fact that he had not succeeded
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his
failure
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the
fact that I had arrived
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my
arrival
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Who
is, which was,
and the like are often superfluous.
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His
brother, who is a member of the same firm
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His
brother, a member of the same firm
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Trafalgar,
which was Nelson's last battle
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Trafalgar,
Nelson's last battle
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As
positive statement is more concise than negative, and the active voice more
concise than the passive, many of the examples given under Rules 11
and 12 illustrate this rule as well.
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A
common violation of conciseness is the presentation of a single complex idea,
step by step, in a series of sentences which might to advantage be combined
into one.
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Macbeth
was very ambitious. This led him to wish to become king of Scotland.
The witches told him that this wish of his would come true. The king of Scotland at this time was Duncan. Encouraged by his wife, Macbeth
murdered Duncan.
He was thus enabled to succeed Duncan
as king. (55 words.)
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Encouraged
by his wife, Macbeth achieved his ambition and realized the prediction of
the witches by murdering Duncan and becoming
king of Scotland
in his place. (26 words.)
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